My life was forever changed

I was separated, depressed, overworked and a mom of two.

It had been a year and a half since separating from my childhood sweetheart and the only man I had ever been intimate with. My ex-husband and I have two children together that were my only reason for living. To say that our breakup ripped me apart would be an understatement.

I had spent the last 6 months suffering from depression, having suicidal thoughts and feeling generally like a shitty mother, shitty businesswoman… shitty everything.

aniI thought making more money would alleviate all of my problems by offering me more freedom so I buried myself in my work. I needed to keep food on the table and gas in the car to provide for my family.

To make matters worse (so I thought) I was in a new relationship with my business partner that I immediately saw mirrored the problems in my previous marriage.

I wanted to run away, but I couldn’t. I didn’t have enough money.

I felt so trapped. I felt alone. I felt ashamed of myself.

I thought that perhaps if I could feel success in my business I wouldn’t feel so badly.

Tired of not having enough money in my life, I decided to attend Fun Fabulous, & Feminine, as I had been following Sierra as a business coach and knew she could teach me a thing or two on HOW to bring home the bacon.

When I arrived that morning, I paused when I saw the sign. Written were the words “Fun, Fabulous & Feminine.”

Why did I buy a ticket to this stupid event? I didn’t care about being fun, fabulous OR feminine. I needed to make more money. What had led me here! I couldn’t even remember.

 I felt trapped and disappointed.

As I entered the room and saw women all dolled up, talking, hula hooping, blowing bubbles and putting sparkles on their faces, I knew at once I had made a big mistake in coming.

This was not my kind of crowd.

I’m not a party chick. I don’t like to drink, party or go to bars. I was sure that these ladies were “those people” and I was not. I had responsibilities, family, and a business.

I didn’t have time for this.

As much I wanted to run out the door, I spent money to be there and I wasn’t about to waste it. I entered and sat next to the person who looked the least bubbly, fun and engaging so I wouldn’t have to pretend to have fun.

Was I in hell?sierrafff

Pumping music, ladies whooping, dancing and shouting. Sierra entered from the back of the room and danced her way to the stage. As she engaged the audience she asked, “Does anyone want to get the hell outta here?” and I raised my hand.

I was very uncomfortable and in fact, as a workshop presenter myself, I felt like one of my least favorite students, with my legs crossed, arms crossed, and, like my mother would say, “A big puss on my face”.

Sierra motioned to the back of the room and introduced Team Sparkle (the event’s support staff) for any of us to go to and get extra support from the “support divas” if we needed it.

I noted that there was a woman crying in the back with a “support diva” already! We had only been there for 15 minutes! Wanting to get my money’s worth out of the event, at the next break I went to the back to sign up for a support slot. It was right after lunch. So I had to come back.

The moment when everything shifted…

It took about 5 minutes after “Hi my name is…” before I found myself in a total emotional break down with my very sparkling and supportive diva in the back of the room. She asked what I wanted support with and I told her how much I wanted to leave and “I wasn’t interested in having fun”.

She quickly led me to the awareness that the reason I wasn’t making more money was because I wasn’t having any fun. And that fun, and the little girl inside me, were the keys to making money.

I didn’t know where to begin and she suggested I start by finding myself a teddy bear. Tears came again as I explained I had thrown away my beloved bear around the same time as I had my children, figuring it was time to “grow up”. After our talk I began to open up, share at the microphone, talk with participants. I even tried a hula-hoop.

At the end of day 2 when Sierra introduced the mastery program and asked who felt like they were called to join, I was the first person to stand up. I almost don’t know why, but deep inside of me, I knew it was the right thing to do.

I was led to the “inner circle” with the others who also knew they would join and somehow I felt uplifted and empowered in a way that I didn’t understand, but trusted.

I came home that night with a feather boa representing my new membership and emerging awareness of the feminine power within me.

My life was forever changed… My little girl came to play with me once again!

A month had passed since Fun, Fabulous & Feminine and I was about to begin mastery. I was still unsure how or why I was here. I was being called and something in me told me to listen.

If I told you that FunFabFem Mastery was all easy and fun I would be lying. There were so many moments that I was ashamed of how I felt.  I tried to hide, run away or remain in my “grumpy” attitude.

However, every step of the way, with every emotion I felt, Sierra and Rono held my place in the circle steadfastly, not allowing me to run away from the healing and my highest self that was trying to emerge.

Meeting my vulnerability with reverence instead of the disgust that I felt for myself was probably the most important gift that they gave me. Everything I felt was accepted by them and used as fuel for my process.

I was embraced and accepted by every member of our sisterhood. Who by the way also had similar fears, insecurities and worries as I did.

I learned a new language.

The most important skill I learned in mastery was how to change my language. It is a tool I now use often with my clients.

Before FunFabFem Mastery I felt like little of my life was a choice.

I felt constrained and confined. Changing my language helped me to see that everything is a choice. And experimenting with choice helped me make a very, very important discovery… I already had everything I was looking for.

Mastery changed my perspective so that I could see all the beauty right in front of me and own it. My wonderful, amazing new partner, the preciousness of my children, the comfort of my home, the flexibility and fun that was just within reach in my career.

Everything I wanted was right there. I just couldn’t see it. And it was Fun and it was Fabulous and when I could step into my Feminine self, it all magically appeared in front of me.

I have had some miraculous things happen to me since FunFabFem Mastery. Situations transformed, relationships shifted, opportunities appeared.

anisierraThat’s not even the best part…

Being a part of Sierra’s program opened up a door to a world I didn’t know existed. It looks just like my life, but it feels very different.

I am interesting again, I have an opinion and I have style and flare. I have confidence, I have dreams, and I feel important and independent. Most importantly, I feel like anything is possible.

Any time something challenging comes up, I know how to look within for what I want. I know I don’t have to “make” things happen. I know my every desire is supported and the universe is working with me at all times.

Taking a class or program that changes your life when you are in that program is great. However, taking classes and programs that teach you how to be different so that when life’s challenges come up, because they will, you have the tools to handle it, that is a program well worth every dollar spent.

Am I making more money? You bet, but I honestly don’t care. I used to stress about money and I don’t anymore. It used to be the driving force in my business and it’s not anymore. They say money can’t buy happiness and it certainly can’t buy freedom. Freedom comes from within.

Now, thanks to Rono & Sierra, I am free.